Christmastime is here...and it's getting damn cold.

I'm finding myself being dragged into MySpace and LiveJournal and all that silly fucking internet fad nonsense. Don't these people know I'm ahead of the trend? I was doing this years ago. Where were they? Not reading my journal/webcomic/profile/etc.
But now I'm being drawn back into it because it's the "cool" thing to do. Damn teenagers and your "cool" things to do. *shakes old lady cane* Mine won't be like everyone else's, damnit! No stupid personality quiz answers, no pleas for readers/popularity/advertisement, no formal updating every week/month/15 minutes. No sir...I will have a boring blog (but not a livejournal...everyone has one of those...go blogger!),a boring MySpace, and a non-updating, never made it past two comics webcomic.
I'm an internet wannabe, who never wants to try. *sigh*
Visit my stupid MySpace thing at www.myspace.com/sweetnfat
But don't you like it, damnit! *shakes cane again* And get off my lawn. Damn teenagers and yer fads.

Christmas is on the way. I was psyched up weeks ago. Now I'm sitting on my hands and getting mad that these presents are taking up so much damn space in my closet. Honestly, I put so much effort and so much thought into peoples' gifts each year. I stress and re-stress and get excited and hope they like it. Then they open it and go "oh. eh. yeah, thanks." I don't even want to try anymore. On top of that, I always expect the same stress from everyone else about my presents and end up utterly disappointed, as no one put any more thought than "What's her name again? Put it on this box and call it good" into my gift. This year, I've resolved that while I'll still get stressed about their presents, I won't expect them to be overjoyed, rather, I'll expect that they'll be tremendously underwhelmed and shove my crappy, albeit well-thought-out gifts to the side. Also, when receiving presents, I shall convince myself that each gift was chosen with the same care and thoughtfulness I afforded their gifts.
Truthfully...I'm realizing more that it's the thought that counts...and getting presents now, while still kind of fun, is mostly just becoming awkward. I'd sooner have the sentiment and spend time with the person, enjoying our bond than get some gift they felt obligated to shove into a box and present me with. Since that whole process is as likely as world peace, I'll smile and keep my crazy suggestions to myself. Remember people, money, while informal and a bit cold, is always a welcome present! heh.
I finally found my old Christmas record too. I'm too lazy to stand up and see what the actual title is, but it's one of those 1960's, big orchestra productions featuring Julie Andrews and a host of other well-known showtuners. It's very over the top cheesy and crazy operatic, but it will be music to wrap presents by tomorrow. That's good enough. I had an opportunity to buy a 10 dollar, 3-disc set, but refused when I saw that Jessica Simpson was a featured "singer." No one ruins a good time like Jessica Simpson.

Please, Jessica. You're rich enough now. You can stop pretending to sing and act and just go be cute and party somewhere. You're single now! You'll love it. Go drink and shack up and be totally un-Christian and forget about your creepy dad and equally annoying sister and get lost in the wilds of Vegas. I don't care what you want to do. Just get the hell out of my media.

Now is about the time of year too, where I have finished my Christmas shopping, have unspent money, and start worrying that I haven't gotten everyone enough gifts. I smartened up a teensy bit this year, though, and totalled my gift spendings thus far. After careful calculations, I have concluded...I'm done. Everyone has enough gifts. Stop looking at me like that! I'm poor! You'll get gifts from your parents!
I also start seeing stuff I want everywhere, but I'm not the kind of person to ask for anything. I'm hoping I can hold out till after the holiday and just get it for myself instead of being disappointed that everybody didn't read my mind and get me that thing. I'm reeeally tempted to order a shitload of manga from Amazon.com right about now...but I worry that if I spend the money now, I'll need it later and regret the comic books. So...I'll just sit here and not get new manga yet. damnit.

I should really get to sleep...but I'm so geared. Damn me and my night owl ways. I could get like, 40 things done, but the boys are asleep. I'm so good at night...why does daytime have to be the time when stuff happens? Oh well. To bed with me.

Check out my fanart appearing soon at Intershadows. It took me fucking forever to finish, still looks crappy, but Kathleen says she likes it, and she's the cool one. So, neat.

"baby, it's cold outside" should not be a national anthem. That is all.

Feeling so much unlike...

What the fuck is it with this week?
First I get sick...I guess it was allergies. I'm overdue for my annual bout, but still...it came out of the blue and hit me so hard. I had to leave work early on Sunday and work through the sickness Monday. *rolls eyes* Miserable.
I've been depressed all week without being able to pinpoint a rhyme or reason to it. I keep thinking of things I ought to do...sigh...shrug my shoulders...and do nothing but mope.
And Dave's been King Asshole today. Maybe he's just tired. He better get over that tomorrow, 'cause this shit ain't cute, and it's making me feel bad.

I just feel like shit.

I feel like the laziest, stupidest, most worthless person alive right now. (All commenters, please refrain from the obvious "But you're not...we love you" comments. I know this. These are feelings. Can't control them. Logic reasons that these feelings are without reason, I'm just emoting.)

I finally got the meeting with Jon tentatively scheduled...but I'm feeling utterly embarrassed, indeed, ashamed of my lack of knowledge concerning the comic creation process. Shouldn't I know more about this shit...considering I'm trying to do this for a living? ARgh.
I'm wondering what kind of a workload I should really expect of myself....I mean...can I have an inker? Or am I doing this whole damn thing on my own? It's all a question of time, now, I think. Years ago, if I had considered the options in the creation process...how much I'd have to do solo...greater amounts of work would probably have caused me to shy away completely, whereas now, it just means I budget my time further and expect a longer schedule. I don't want to give up on this...I think it could be really fun and worthwhile for me...it's certainly something I've dreamed of...and I really like to think I could change the world...who knows.

Well, right now, my big black baby has decided my arms are his cuddle spot, so I'm cutting this sucker short.
Watch Akazukin Chacha. Too funny.