Abba Disc 4...and other musings.

I'm trying to find my disks. I've found half.
I'm re-realizing how brilliant ABBA is, not just as a band, but as a musical group. Their Undeleted stuff is amazing.

Job interview Monday...finally. I'm crossing everything there is to be crossed for this one. I need a job so badly. Here's to hoping.

I was insulted by a friend a few nights ago. This has been an ongoing thing for years, and no, I don't know why he's still my friend. At any rate, he claimed that, "Talking to [me] is like being forced to talk about the weather for long periods of time." And he had the GALL to wonder why I was so offended and bitch about how I expect him to be all these things and he doesn't know what to be. Guh. Writing that is so hard while continuously rolling my eyes. I didn't reply to him. I wrote a REALLY nasty, albeit truthful letter to him and haven't sent it. I guess I'm too afraid of what he'll say back and that nothing will hit grey matter for him, so all my effort will be wasted, and I'll look like Queen Bitch Supreme. Here it is:

Just because you're stressed doesn't at all excuse the fact that you're extremely rude and hurtful. I use the present tense intentionally; as you continue to be so nearly every time I talk to you. I was really worried tonight that I was going to say something to offend you and get in a big fight with you again, but oh! I guess I didn't have to worry. My entire presence stressed you out so badly that I became a HUGE burden to you just by BEING THERE. If I'm such a huge burden, you don't have to talk to me, you know. I'm not forcing you to do anything. You could say, "Hey, I've got a lot going on my screen right now, could we talk another time?" I'd understand.
I know your world doesn't revolve around talking to me, nor would I want it to. But to just get so mad at me for talking to you is asinine, at the least! And if talking to me is like being FORCED to talk about the weather for a long time, I'm sorry you can't hold interest in a conversation without it being sexual, and not just sexual, all about you.
And just so you know, since you didn't seem to get it the first bunch of times I told you, JULIE AND I ARE NOT A SET PAIR. Please stop grouping us together! That drives me so crazy. Just because we happen to talk to you at the same time, for whatever reason, does not make us one in the same person or a set of two people that must always go together. It really steams me that you get so mad at having to talk to both of us, and yet tell me I'M boring and I'M monopolizing your time and you wish that *I* wouldn't stress you out so much. *I* don't want to do that. I don't know when Julie is talking to you. I don't like being held responsible for your stress level, either. Please stop punishing me for the fact that you can't seem to multitask without flipping out.
I also dislike being held responsible for your state of arousal. I am NOT your sexual gatekeeper. Just because something I say seems sexual, or is flirty doesn't necessarily mean that I'm trying to turn you on. I like flirting, but I am SO sick and tired of the "But you got me hard, doesn't that turn you on? Don't you want to do something?" conversations that follow. Flirting is fun and mentally engaging and stimulating, but I don't see it as something that HAS to be so sexual and lead to sex all the time. I'm taken, and pretty happily so. I have sex now, so I know what I'm missing if I say no. And I've said no. Get over yourself. My sexuality isn't all about pleasing you, despite the idea of BDSM and of me you seem to have. You'd be surprised how many other women would probably like to tell you the same thing.
In reading your profile on your MySpace board, yeah right. Hypocrisy everywhere. You remember a few conversations we had way back when, when you told me that you would consider being in a relationship with me, but you would rather be with someone who thought like me, but looked more like Julie or like my sister? That's just hypocritical, considering the concepts you're pleading on this profile of yourself. Are YOU "mature enough to care about someone because of WHO they are, not because of irrelevant things such as looks...?" Seems to me, you aren't. On more than one occasion, you've made me ashamed of my body, of myself, ashamed to try to be myself and exist without being beautiful, and I won't ever forget it. I hope you're deeply mortified.
And this ageism thing you're trying so desperately to argue...are you feeling the stinging backlash of your conscience, having talked inappropriately with underage girls (and I mean ANYTHING under 18), or are these girls figuring you out, and you're feeling bad because you really ARE too old for them, and it seems like something you could just debate as social inequity and label it as some sort of "-ism," therefore bringing about a notion that maybe it's okay after all? Debate till you're blue in the face, Rob. That doesn't make it right. You can claim all day long that you don't necessarily talk to these girls sexually, but I know you, and I know what you've done and how you prey upon women. Those girls don't deserve that, whether you or they think that's what they want. And don't you dare try to argue that any sexual conversations are started or caused by these girls. That's blatantly sexist. If you're such a grown man, you can and will say no every fucking time. I wish you'd learn to age with a little more grace than to think you deserve a teenybopper for every bad thing you've been through in life. They're just young girls. They're somebody's baby girl. They're not trophies. WOMEN are not trophies, and you are not entitled to one for any reason.
I don't know if you remember, but I've explained to you before that relationships aren't something you just grab off a shelf when you're rich enough to afford one, they're partnerships. You have to WORK at a relationship to deserve one. Sometimes you have to work a lot harder on them than anything you've worked on before. And if you don't want to work that hard to deserve to be in a relationship with someone, well you better keep your hand in good working order, since it'll be the only thing keeping you company while you sit there crying about how everyone's so mean and unfair for not being with you, even though you won’t work to deserve to be with a single one of them.
And another thing, stop trying to make an argument out of everything and anything just so you can seem right about SOMETHING. I feel like you pick fights with me because you know I'll back down and I'll say I'm sorry and I'll be less smart, less informed, less right than you. I'm not always wrong, and I don't always want to fight. And I'm not sorry for saying all this. I'm not sure you've read all the way through this, and if you have, I'm more than certain you haven't swallowed all of it. Take it deep, baby. You deserve every last period.
Welcome to the world, Rob. Get real and grow up.

He was a big jerk, and I figured he deserved it. But not enough for me to send it I guess. I'm such a coward.

Ah, another day, another dollar spent. Time for a computer break.